10 . 28 . 2009

Whatever did we do with ill-mannered children before drugs? The remedies for bad behavior were as unscientific as they were brutal: scolding, restriction, a slap on the proverbial fanny. Perish the thought.

But of course, we're much more civilized today. Inattentive and excitable children are, in ever-increasing numbers, diagnosed with Attention Deficit and Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD) and prescribed addictive stimulants with potentially serious and irreversible side-effects, including schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. Encouraged by pharmaceutical companies, some doctors are quick to recommend chemical remedies for the mildest of "symptoms" while a new generation of fragile, overly-sensitive moms and dads excuse themselves from the traumatic responsibilities of traditional, hands-on parenting.

And the best part? ADHD isn't just for children anymore. Behavioral modification through chemical adjustment is the new black. Take a number, citizen.

Save it for a rainy day • No point fighting when it charms you • Never mind what they say • A cure for nothing can harm you • More of the same • If two is good, ten is better • Until you're insane • Or perfect, to the letter • All children, open wide • Let's have a look inside • Mommy's love, how it shines • In your dilated eyes • Acting out is a-okay • If there's no pain, it doesn't matter • Doctor says it's just a phase • Here's something for his chatter • Nothings too late • If you give it time • And methylphenidate • Dipped in lemon-lime • All children, open wide • Let's have a look inside • Mommy's love, how it shines • In your dilated eyes • All children, open wide • Let's have a look inside • Mommy's love, how it shines • In your dilated eyes